Feeling good, one step at a time…

So I started geocaching again today. Something I have not done in WAY TOO LONG! Decided to do something new with it though, we (the hubby, the pup & I) decided on a few local caches and walked to all of them. It was only about two miles round trip but I have to say that the walking definately made me feel GREAT and got me motivated to get moving. I am a little bit sore from not being active for so long, but now that I have accomplished this rather small feat, I am ready to keep going. I have marked the distance to a nice little local park and have made a pledge to walk or bicycle to it as often as I can (aiming for 3x/week minimum) and to resume my yoga and cardio routine as well. I have been on a good path to weight loss the past few months and know that the extra boost I need right now in my journey is that of physical activity. Going into the cooler weather and my favorite of all seasons, fall, I am more energized than ever. I WILL reach my weight loss/fitness goals this year and will hopefully live a happier more fulfilling life because of it. Kudos to me for getting back on the right track!

Alone in the dark…

So here it is, 7:15am and I have yet to find sleep for another night. What is it about this great state of slumber that eludes me? I cannot answer that question. For my mind is found wandering alone at night. In the quiet stillness where only imagination and an utter state of delusion lead me along the pitch trail of solitude and lonliness. Searching for answers hidden under rocks, hovering upon the dew drops and even high above the clouds. Floating, flipping, turning as restless as myself. Dazed and dizzy, yet vibrantly alive and yearning to find the questions that have led to all of these answers, now jumbled in my mind. Moving forth with no abandon… my sanity, my only compass, now weathered and stained. Naked and vulnerable is the darkness around me as my soul is within this insomniac shell. I see the dawn breaking, my eyes grow heavy despite my desperate attempts to watch the rising sun. I shall sleep softly now ’til the sun sinks slowly back into the earth, or some other calling beckons me from my dreams…

This Old House

As some of you already know I have a difficult time sleeping and am often up into the wee hours of the night. It is in the depths of night that I often ponder my world and everything that is going on in it. I try to come up with ways that I can make improvements in within my life. Lately I have been pondering the decision DH and I made almost 8 years ago...the one to buy our first house, a 1993 Skyline Mobile Home. We bought the house for two main reasons. The first, and possibly largest reason we decided to buy was to get out of the city (our home is located in a nice little mobile home park just outside a small town). The second reason was to help out a co-worker of my husbands who desperately needed to sell since she and her husband had already purchased a bigger home for their growing family and were struggling with 2 mortgages. We both thought "what the heck!" The mortgage would be low and for only 15 years and it would allow us to stop pouring money out in rent on a property we would never own. We also figured we'd only be here a few years and then we would sell and move on. Fast forward 8 years and here we are in the same home. We have done a few small home improvement projects but nothing too major. I blame this in part on our fear of our own ability to complete certain physical tasks and perhaps on what seems to be the far, or at least farther off than planned, dream of moving to another home. I've decided that as long as we are going to live here, we should really do all those things we have been putting off. All those things that we have been waiting to do in our future "traditional" home. Nobody knows what the future holds, after all and a wise person once said: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift, that's why they call it the present."

So with all that said, I think I'm FINALLY ready to dig into some pretty major projects around here. So lately instead of staring at my monitor looking at all my usual newsgroups message boards and the like, I have been feverishly researching everything from paint types and techniques to laying flooring and installing cabinets. Could all this have something to do with my new found obsession with HGTV?!? I'd say that is a definite probability, but hey, at least I can say I have found my inspiration! I have taken many many notes and have even started a sketchbook of ideas that I would like to incorporate for each room. I am starting on the bathroom but also have plans to refurbish the kitchen, master bedroom, living room, my craft room and dh's den. Since we do not have any children, that takes one more thing OUT of the equation and may actually make things run a little smoother. (No worries about having to hire a babysitter when we paint, placing decorative items out of the reach of little hands, childproofing cabinets, etc...and so forth.) Although we will still have to worry about some of these issues with our two fur babies, but on a different level and to a slightly different degree. SO, what is the point of this post you ask?! I am here to tell you that I plan to track my projects, problems and progress as an ongoing (episodic) blog topic. I hope you enjoy reading my stories as much as I know I'll enjoy writing about them.

I will also be listing questions and asking opinions often so please feel free to chime in at any time if you have a question, comment or simply a helpful hint or idea regarding something I am working on, or plan to work on - TIA! Oh yeah, and stay tuned for some exciting (and NOT so exciting) before, during and after photos and video clips I'll be posting along the way!

...because of you...

Every day of our lives we meet people. Some are mere aquaintences, like the guy you pay at the grocery store register whom you may never see again, others we may become casual friends with. But every now and then we meet someone we are lucky enough to call a "good friend." Of this group of "good" friends we have, we may be lucky in our lifetime if we find a select few who we would consider to be "best" friends. It is when we find these rare relationships we realize that we have reached a treasured moments in our lives. We know we have found someone who will laugh with us, cry with us, share our secrets and even go so far as to embarass themselves with us during our most vulnerable times. If luck is REALLY on our side we might even just find love a time or two...but it is the VERY lucky ones who stumble upon this level of relationship. You find that person who will put up with your cranky side and your independant side and give and take with you through the ups and downs. But the rarest of all finds, the diamond in a field of dust is when you find your soulmate. Very few people ever find this level of relationship though most of us spend our entire lives looking for it. These are the relationships where you live to hear your other half breath at night. You finish each others sentences and couldn't even begin to imagine life without him or her. You may be together for 5..10...25...50 years or more and yet you still feel the jittery butterflies of your first date and you can't imagine what your world was ever like without them. I have been one of the very few people in this world who can honestly say that I have truly found a man who was an acquaintence, then a good friend, my best friend, the love of my life and ultimately my soul mate. It is for him that I write this entry.

I love him with all of my being, and would do anything in the world for him. He is my strength, my confidant, my lover, my buddy, my wonderful husband. I can honestly say that in my 31 years on this earth, meeting, falling in love with and marrying him are what I consider to be the greatest things that have happened to me. We compliment each other in every way and it is because of him that I am the person I've become. He works hard every day to give me everything I could ever want or need without ever complaining or wanting anything for himself. He puts up with my many mood swings without ever losing his temper or saying a bad word towards me. He has supported me in everything I've ever wanted to do. He has lifted me up in my triumph's and picked me up from my setbacks and has never once expected anything in return. He is everything I've ever wanted in a man and so very much more than I'd ever hoped to find in a husband. I could never imagine sharing my life with anyone but him and I can honestly say that I had never known true love until I met my wonderful, beautiful, awesome husband. I tell him I love him everyday but I don't always thank him for all the wonderful things he does and for being the wonderful man that he is and I wanted to take this opportunity to do just that.

Thank you Rod! Thank you for being there for me, for loving me, for taking care of me, for making all my dreams come true and thank you for being the wonderful man you are. I am a better person because of you and I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you and admire you and nothing could ever change that. I'm proud to have a man that complete's me the way you do and I'm so thankful to be able to call you my soulmate, because you truly are my everything. I love you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul.

Empty

Do you ever get that empty sadness feeling? I'm not talking about just being sad, but that feeling that hits you deep down in your gut and holds onto you. You can't cry hard enough and after the tears dry up you get that glassed over stare and everything feels as though it is in slow motion. If it weren't for blinking you would actually swear that time stood still. Have you ever missed someone so bad that you would be willing to give up everything you have just to see them one more time? You close your eyes in a desperate search to remember their face, their laugh, their touch. You wonder how your path in life would be different if they were still in it and how you wish you had told them "I love you" just one more time or given up just a few more minutes to be with them. Could you ever imagine their never being another tomorrow? No more tears to cry, no more laughter to share, no more love to give, no more time. Take the time today to cry until your sadness is overcome with the calm realization that it is okay to do so. Enjoy the slow motion aftermath, for in today's world it comes too seldom. Allow yourself to feel the loss of those who have come and gone. Let the strength of their memory stand as a reason, even if it is the only one, to take every chance to let those around you know how much they mean to you. Let no moment go by when you don't take the opportunity to share a smile, a hug or an 'I love you' with those who are important in your life. You never know what moment on this earth will be your very last so make every one count! Thanks for listening to my midnight ramblings...

Playground

Curling, stretching, turning,
Burrowed in the sheets.
Rolling, scratching, yearning
OH, but just out of reach.
Blinking, shifting, stirring,
Waiting for the connect.
Pawing, swatting, purring,
My wonderful feline pet.

Thanks

I just wanted to send a little thank you note to my DH for so graciously taking his time to help bring this blog together. I don't know what I'd do without you babe. ;-) Thanks a million!